Blessed to have him

I can't miss this opportunity to express my eternal gratitude for my dad.  True, he isn't my biological dad, but he is in every way and more the dad I could've hoped for and dreamed of.

The first time I met him is still vivid in my mind.  We were in Nauvoo on the Pageant Site, and he confronted my mom and Alayne and I.  I remember watching his hands as he took his gloves off, slipped them in his back pocket, and shook my mom's hand.  At that moment the spirit told me that this was the man my mom was going to marry.  I didn't recognize it at the time and thought it was just a random thought passing through my head.  The Lord truly works in mysterious ways.

Four months later they were married and I had a new dad.  I couldn't be more grateful for my dad.  Even though he's about the pickiest person I know, refuses to smile in pictures, and hates bananas with a passion, I love him more than words can ever express and I treasure him more than money could ever buy.  The lessons I've learned from him are so incredibly valuable and I know I will be using them for the rest of my life and on into the eternities.  He's taught me to work hard, even in the blazing heat of Southern Utah.  He's taught me forgiveness, patience, respect, sacrifice, and kindness.  I truly don't know a kinder man.

My fingers lack the ability to write out what I want to express.  Words just simply don't do it justice.  I am so blessed to have a father who loves me, a father who respects who I am as a daughter of God and as his daughter.  A father who does everything he can for my benefit, who teaches me all he can, and who I know prays for me on a daily basis.  A father who holds the priesthood worthily and is always ready to give a blessing when needed.  A father who protects me and teaches me and supports me in all my pursuits and dreams.  Growing up, I never understood the role of father, but now I do.  And my dad fulfills that role, he exceeds that role.  I am and will be eternally grateful and humbled to have been blessed with such a dad.

I love you, Dad!  Happy Father's Day!!

For now,

Alyssa

how to fold your laundry

I folded my laundry today.  That was quite an accomplishment, considering how long that undeniable heap of clothes has been on my closet floor.  I was surprised to see the bottom of the laundry bin when I finished.  That was an unfamiliar sight.  I'm sure you're thinking you did not get on this blog to read about some teenager folding a stack of worn-out t-shirts.  No worries, that was not my intention.  My intention was this: 

Sometimes in life, we play the laundry basket.  We hold inside ourselves a heap of clean clothes, of good intentions or unlimited potential.  Yet we hold back, we procrastinate, we hesitate, we compose endless but ridiculous lists of excuses day after day, other things take priority that we know probably shouldn't.  I think it's the human in all of us--that natural man that desires to be lazy and content with doing nothing with itself.  Being okay with itself the way it is, not expecting anything more of itself or desiring to change the way things are.  Not wanting to fold the dang clothes.  

But deep inside each of us, and I mean deeper than that heap of clean laundry, is a desire to do good.  A desire to be good, create good, accomplish good, to fold that laundry and put it to use.  So the key is to find that desire and let it drive that "human" in us to its feet to fold the laundry.   We might find it motivating if our moms yell at us long enough that we do it just so they'll stop, or we see our siblings' spotless rooms and think we can't let them beat us, or we want to hang out with friends but can't until it's done.  But none of those are true desires to carry out that good intention, they're mainly threats, competition, awards, that bother the same nasty humans inside us until we decide to
"just do it."  #swoosh 

And so, it seems we all need a gentle reminder of how we can fold our laundry.  The clothes are fresh out of the dryer, do we store them in the hamper?  Do we procrastinate, make excuses, give a less than half-hearted effort, give up?  No, no, no.  We pray, we read the word of God and seek His spirit.  We study the life and works of his son, Jesus Christ, and strive to become like him.  We strive to put every good intention to use, every talent and ability, to do our very, very best. We do not let Satan convince us otherwise.  We do not give up half way through the pile.  

Heavenly Father sent his son, Jesus Christ, to die for us on the cross, to bleed from every pore, and in agony cry out, "O my father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me...."  But because he loved us, and because he loves us still, the cup did not pass, and Christ partook of it.  He partook of it because he knew that there were those of us who want to do good, who want to be good, who want more than anything to return to our Father in Heaven and live with Him again.  He knew that we would desire to become like him.  But he also knew, that unless he partook of the bitter cup, it would not be possible.  And so he partook of it for us, knowing full well that many would deny it, but while they did, many would accept it still.  And that was worth it to him.  We were worth it to him.  Each of us are worth it to him.  So let us choose to do good and to be good.  Let us choose to fold our laundry, for that is what He would have us do.  

"For every thing which inviteth to do good....is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ."

(Moroni 7:16) 

For now,

Alyssa

definitely not a coincidence

Within the past three days or so I've realized, possibly more than ever before, how much Heavenly Father loves us and is aware of us.  Let me back track.

Near the end of June I applied online for a job at Deseret Book.  I then went on vacation for about three weeks and when I returned still hadn't heard back about my application.  Having prayed about this job quite a bit and wanting it to work, I called in to speak to the manager.  He told me they were planning on hiring the next week; we scheduled an interview.  Before this interview I hadn't ever had an official job interview because I worked for people in my ward and such.  Knowing I would need The Lord's help, I fasted the Sunday before my interview.  The same Sunday I attended a friend's mission "farewell" in a different ward.  Then I continued to pray each day that my interview would go well and the spirit would be with me.

I studied slash reviewed interview questions and practiced answering them in preparation the evening before.  That night when I went to bed I prayed to have extra courage and strength the next day.  I had prepared in the ways I knew to prepare and everything else was in The Lord's hands.  If I got the job, great, if I didn't, that only meant something else was in store for me.

The manager and I met as I walked from my car to Deseret Book, and he asked me if I was there for an interview.  I told him I was and then he looked at me and said, "I think I sat behind you on Sunday at church."  It turned out that he was in my missionary friend's ward, and I had, in fact, sat right in front of him.  He remembered me, and he even remembered that I am a twin.

He led me into the store and we proceeded with my interview, which ended up lasting quite a while, but I felt comfortable during it. One of the questions asked what was a recent book that I had read and enjoyed.  I told him about a book by President Eyring, To Draw Closer To God.   I had bought it at Deseret Book back in February with birthday money, which must have been inspired because I hardly ever buy a book I haven't heard anything about.  It also must have been inspired because that book helped me a lot through tough times and after sharing the title with the manager, he informed me that book was in his "top five."  Connections, connections.
 I know the Spirit was with me.  I know that because of His Atoning sacrifice, He was able to lift the burden of nervousness and anxiety and fill me with comfort and confidence.

As it turned out, he hired me on the spot.  My manager told me he rarely does that, but after seeing me on Sunday and how I interacted with my friends, he was impressed and knew I was ready for this job.

I can't express the gratitude I have to my Father in Heaven for His tender mercies.  They are everywhere.  He is everywhere.  Who knew that going to my friend's mission talk would help me get a job?  HE knew.  And He does know, everything.  Heavenly Father is in control of everything, it's all in His hands.  I rejoice in that knowledge.  I love thinking that things are happening right now that will lead to great things later.  "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass."  

Heavenly Father loves every single one of His children.  He cherishes us and He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die and suffer for us.  Everything I am today, everything I have become has only been possible through the Atonement of Christ.  Our brother really did suffer for us.  He felt every pain, sickness, weakness, doubt, or anxiety we have or will ever feel.  He felt the regret we feel when we sin.  He felt the losses we have.  And because of Him, we can have hope.  We can rejoice to know that we can live with our Heavenly Father again! We can return home to be reunited, to be tied back to God.

I know that Heavenly Father is real, is there for us, and will never forsake us.  I know that He is our Father.  I know that He loves me with an everlasting, eternal, infinite love. 

 A love that can never be broken. I share this testimony in the name of my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, Amen.

for now,

Alyssa

Here was heaven

I had the privilege this summer of participating in the Nauvoo and British pageants, one of the best experiences of my life. Trying to describe the experience doesn't do it justice. It's completely indescribable.

The Nauvoo pageant celebrated it's 10th anniversary this summer. It is about the saints arriving in Nauvoo in 1839 and building a city from a swamp. It's about the prophet Joseph Smith, the Nauvoo temple, and the sacrifices and joys of the pioneers. And eventually, it tells of the martyrdom of Joseph and Hyrum Smith and the exodus from Nauvoo to the Salt Lake valley.

The British pageant, performed for the first time last summer in Preston, England, was put on in Nauvoo this summer in honor of the ten year anniversary. The connection between the two pageants is incredible. In the British pageant, the elders from Nauvoo are sent to the British isles to declare the gospel and bring souls to repentance. Those saints in Britain who accept the gospel travel over to Nauvoo to join the saints in building a temple to their God.

Being in Nauvoo with my family is one of my favorite things. We are there for two weeks: one week we rehearse both pageants and the next week we perform. Throughout the course of these two weeks testimonies are strengthened, friendships are made, relationships are enhanced, lessons are learned, memories are molded, and people are changed. When I'm there, I feel so close to my Savior.

Beginning at 8 am and ending around 10 pm or later, each day consisted of about ten hours of rehearsals with breaks for meals. I would be lying if I said it was easy, but I would also be lying if I said it wasn't worth it. I gained something from each and every rehearsal. Sometimes it was a friend, other times I gained a better understanding of the love our savior has for each one of His children. I learned a new principle or I felt something-something good. There wasn't a moment I wasn't having fun or that I was unhappy. I felt so much happiness and love from everyone and for everyone.

"Here was heaven" is a line from the Nauvoo pageant, and I can't help but feel that way when I think of Nauvoo.  Whether  I was in rehearsal, at the temple, on a run, reading my scriptures, socializing with the cast, or listening to the music from the pageant, it felt like heaven. There really isn't a way to explain it. Many times at pageant we discuss how Nauvoo is a place of healing, and I felt that more than ever this year. There is a sweet, comforting spirit about Nauvoo that is undeniable.
It feels like home to me.

For now,

Alyssa

Because of Him

His kindness shall not depart from thee

My whole life I've been surrounded with the testimonies of those I know. As a little girl I watched my mother stand up during sacrament meeting and bear her testimony of the love and mercy of God.  I witnessed close friends and siblings endure trials and turn to The Lord for strength. I yearned for a testimony of my own. It seemed like everyone had a burning testimony in their hearts and there was not even a sliver of a doubt in their whole being. Why didn't I have that? I read my scriptures every day. For years. I prayed with real intent. I attended church, young women's, and other activities. Not only did I attend, I participated. So what was I doing wrong? When would that "Aha!" moment come where I would know that He lives? I don't remember when I finally knew, but I do remember it wasn't an "aha" moment. It was a gradual awakening and  opening of my eyes where I finally came to recognize His hand. He had been there all along. He had answered countless prayers. His tender mercies were everywhere. And finally, I knew. I knew that He lives. I knew that He cares about me, that He loves me. I knew that He knows what I go through, and that He will comfort me in the darkest of times. When the tempest is raging and the billows are tossing high, He will calm the storm. His arms of mercy will embrace me and guide me through the rough paths. 

Throughout these past few years, I've acted on my testimony and done all I can to follow Him. But today I had a slight epiphany.  I was reading in the book "To Draw Closer to God" by Henry B Eyring, and one of the chapters talks about waiting upon The Lord. All The Lord asks from us is our obedience. "If we are going to do our duty, we are going to need the powers of heaven. And if we are going to be given access to the powers of heaven, we are gong to have to learn to wait upon The Lord." He lives. I know He lives. I know He is with us every step of the way. We can't give in, we must keep moving forward. It's the only logical way to go; forward. When we give Him our all and seek His kingdom first and truly convert ourselves, we will find Him. We can't expect to find Him by sitting here waiting for a miracle. We must act in faith. We must wait upon The Lord and trust in His timing. 

These past few months have been probably the hardest months of my life. I've stumbled and slipped. My choices haven't all been the best and I've struggled a lot. Yet even when I didn't pray one morning, or my scripture study wasn't the most meaningful, He still fed me. His strength lifted me and His love encompassed me daily. An aching heart, a frustrated mind, a worn out body, a desperate soul. He was there. He is there. He is merciful. He is the Prince of Peace. 

"For a small moment have I foresaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee. 

In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment, but with everlasting kindness  I have mercy on thee, saith The Lord thy redeemer. 

For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee..." 

(3 Nephi 22:7-10) 

Heavenly Father lives and loves me. I know He won't ever leave me comfortless. His love for me is never ending, infinite, everlasting, eternal. And no matter what path I've taken, no matter the mistakes I've made, there is always a way to return back to Him. And that is because of the Atonement of His son, Jesus Christ, who suffered for me. He took upon Himself my sins, heart aches, pains, anxieties, confusions, tears, worries, sicknesses, and fears. For me. And because of this I can live with my Heavenly Father again. I can return home. Pure and holy, I can stand before Him. I stand all amazed. 

Oh, it is wonderful. Wonderful to me. 

Oh, sweet, the joy this sentence gives: 

I know that My Redeemer lives. 

For now, 

Alyssa

Just because

Just because I love my mom. 

I love her for choosing to stay on the right path while she grew up, and for teaching me to do the same. I take my parents for granted much too often. My mom and dad are the most loving, responsible, wise, nurturing, and righteous parents. If you've met them, you know what I mean.

 Ever since I can remember, my mom has been by my side, encouraging and supporting me, but also counseling me. She's taught me things that I am forever grateful for. When I was young I begged and pleaded to wear "short shorts" and tank tops because that's what all the other girls wore and "short shorts" were for girls. Long shorts were for boys. But no matter how much I persisted, she never let me. And I can't thank her enough for that. Modesty is so important to me now and yet it's so easy for me because my mom taught me from a young age and it became a habit.

 She taught me to pray, read my scriptures, follow in The Lord's footsteps, pay my tithing, fast, the list goes on and on. But I'm most grateful for the way my mom taught me to love others. She taught me through her example. Through her concern for each of us eight children that she raised by herself for four years. Throughout those years she provided for us and protected us. We were never neglected; we were her first priority.  Somehow my mom was able to fill our home with love and with the spirit. I am beyond grateful for the safety and shelter I found in our home. 

I've watched my mom take on the responsibility of relief society president, stake young women counselor, ward choir director, and many other callings that she eagerly and willingly fulfilled. With open arms and a caring heart, she reaches out to those who need fellowship, to those who are lost, to those who are struggling. Her testimony inspired me so much growing up. Memories of her bearing her firm and faithful testimony during fast and testimony meeting, family night, and family scripture study will always be with me. She had the strength and humility to turn to The Lord and help her through the darkest of times. 

She never failed to tell us she loved us. And she still never fails to tell me every morning and night that she loves me. Her love for me is one of the best assurances and comforts in this world. I love my mom. 

For now,

Alyssa