His kindness shall not depart from thee

My whole life I've been surrounded with the testimonies of those I know. As a little girl I watched my mother stand up during sacrament meeting and bear her testimony of the love and mercy of God.  I witnessed close friends and siblings endure trials and turn to The Lord for strength. I yearned for a testimony of my own. It seemed like everyone had a burning testimony in their hearts and there was not even a sliver of a doubt in their whole being. Why didn't I have that? I read my scriptures every day. For years. I prayed with real intent. I attended church, young women's, and other activities. Not only did I attend, I participated. So what was I doing wrong? When would that "Aha!" moment come where I would know that He lives? I don't remember when I finally knew, but I do remember it wasn't an "aha" moment. It was a gradual awakening and  opening of my eyes where I finally came to recognize His hand. He had been there all along. He had answered countless prayers. His tender mercies were everywhere. And finally, I knew. I knew that He lives. I knew that He cares about me, that He loves me. I knew that He knows what I go through, and that He will comfort me in the darkest of times. When the tempest is raging and the billows are tossing high, He will calm the storm. His arms of mercy will embrace me and guide me through the rough paths. 

Throughout these past few years, I've acted on my testimony and done all I can to follow Him. But today I had a slight epiphany.  I was reading in the book "To Draw Closer to God" by Henry B Eyring, and one of the chapters talks about waiting upon The Lord. All The Lord asks from us is our obedience. "If we are going to do our duty, we are going to need the powers of heaven. And if we are going to be given access to the powers of heaven, we are gong to have to learn to wait upon The Lord." He lives. I know He lives. I know He is with us every step of the way. We can't give in, we must keep moving forward. It's the only logical way to go; forward. When we give Him our all and seek His kingdom first and truly convert ourselves, we will find Him. We can't expect to find Him by sitting here waiting for a miracle. We must act in faith. We must wait upon The Lord and trust in His timing. 

These past few months have been probably the hardest months of my life. I've stumbled and slipped. My choices haven't all been the best and I've struggled a lot. Yet even when I didn't pray one morning, or my scripture study wasn't the most meaningful, He still fed me. His strength lifted me and His love encompassed me daily. An aching heart, a frustrated mind, a worn out body, a desperate soul. He was there. He is there. He is merciful. He is the Prince of Peace. 

"For a small moment have I foresaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee. 

In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment, but with everlasting kindness  I have mercy on thee, saith The Lord thy redeemer. 

For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee..." 

(3 Nephi 22:7-10) 

Heavenly Father lives and loves me. I know He won't ever leave me comfortless. His love for me is never ending, infinite, everlasting, eternal. And no matter what path I've taken, no matter the mistakes I've made, there is always a way to return back to Him. And that is because of the Atonement of His son, Jesus Christ, who suffered for me. He took upon Himself my sins, heart aches, pains, anxieties, confusions, tears, worries, sicknesses, and fears. For me. And because of this I can live with my Heavenly Father again. I can return home. Pure and holy, I can stand before Him. I stand all amazed. 

Oh, it is wonderful. Wonderful to me. 

Oh, sweet, the joy this sentence gives: 

I know that My Redeemer lives. 

For now, 

Alyssa